I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
