You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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