Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
