yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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