I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
