Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
