Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
