Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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