took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
