Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
