If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
