Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
