I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
