one two three fourrrrnication!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
