in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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