i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
