But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
