Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
