theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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