he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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