quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
