I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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