Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
