You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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