He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
