I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
