it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
