hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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