I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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