I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So many bounce houses so little time
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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