why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
