You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
