eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize
