So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
