i was born a porn star she said
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
