So drunk its hurt
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
