dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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