We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
