i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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