I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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