I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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