I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
