I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
