the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
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