you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
