pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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