Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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