I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
