Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
