Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
