I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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