once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am mentally ready for anal.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
