butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
