the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
