Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
