i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
